Home again home again jiggity jig...
Well for at least the next fifty minutes it's been exactly a week since I posted last. I have to wonder did anyone notice? Anyone care?
le sigh
Don't get me wrong it's not as if I rely upon approval, perusal or even interested in my blog for my sense of self worth or anything. I just feel as if I put some of my best stuff out there, my words, myself and can't help wondering if anyone even notices. As I accused my good friend in a comment on HIS blog I can't seem to help 'wearing my heart on my blog'...
I guess the mild despondency comes from the thirty two plus hours it took to get home from my wonderful family reunion vacation. Thanks to corporate policy (don't EVEN get me started) and a freakin' busted light bulb we missed our connection in Atlanta Georgia. Rather than hold the stupid plane (the LAST plane of the day I might add) to Portland for TEN MINUTES the airline decided to put a dozen of us up in a hotel for the night. Grrr, stupid but whatever.
The thing that REALLY bothered me is this friend of mine (see 'those for whom I care').
I called him Friday night and he sounded really down. I asked what was wrong and he confided that his girlfriend (another dear friend of mine) had just dumped him. I was frankly astonished and he was practically in tears. I consoled him as best I could from the other side of the nation on a poorly heard cell phone. I hesitated asking for a favor in this his hour of grief (the break up had only been official as of that afternoon), but figured he might be grateful for a chance to see me his sympathetic friend. Turns out I was right, he was totally willing to pick us up from the airport and let us crash at his house in Portland for the evening before taking us to the train station for the trip home later in the day.
THEN we were stranded in Atlanta and by the time we got to Portland, this boys tears had dried and he was ONLY willing to give us a ride to the Amtrak station. I hinted quite broadly about not even having the fare to make it all the way home, as well as mentioning that he owed me money for some freakin supplements I ordered from Amway's bastard child Quixtar (that I made the mistake of signing up for under this guy) back in Jan. and didn't receive until a month ago. It's been so long in fact that now that I'm pregnant I can't even take the damn things. He not only didn't offer to give us a ride (which I pretty much didn't expect thanks to realizing on some level that although a basically nice guy he was also a pretty self oriented fellow) but he didn't even offer to pay me in part or all for the damn supplements or even LOAN me the five dollars we needed to take the damn Amtrak bus all the way to Eugene.
A few weeks ago this guy was in town visiting with his girl (exactly a year ago he was supposed to move in with her and instead with practically no warning moved to Portland to attend school, and he's astonished that she dumped him??) and I called him because it was like ninety degrees outside and thanks to having to walk every place, (my friend gave me her car but left it with her sister who I can't find) having only slept about 15 hours in six days, and being newly pregnant and full blown gestational diabetic- felt like crap. I honestly thought I was going to ethier A)black out (having already done that once in a diabetic swoon) or B) throw up what little lunch I'd scrounged. I called him cause I hadn't seen him in town for some time and I knew he had a car and free time on his hands do you know what he told me when I asked for a ride the mile and a half home?
"Well gee I don't know I just wanted to ly around here and relax." I was so upset and sick I started to shake--I have a really hard time asking for help and here I was practically begging my so called friend for a little help. My voice started to tremble when I responded
"Yea, well I feel really sick, like I'm going to pass out or throw up..." There was silence on the other end of the line as tears stared to come, and my voice grew even more tremulous with them "Kris is at work and I don't honestly have the strength to even make it to the bus stop so I could really use your help!" I could hear the hesitation at the other end of the line, but finally he answered
"Well..." I pushed on, crying a little now and ashamed that he conjured that in me.
"Look, I can't do this on my own and I hoped you could give me a ride, but if you can't I understand just let me know so I can try and arrange something else." Finally that seemed to get through, he sighed and then answered
"Well, how soon do you need me? Cause I don't think I could be there for like another thirty minutes or so." I was crushed and appalled to realize I hadn't honestly expected more from the man, that despite my fondness for him, I knew deep down that he wasn't someone I could rely on and that my asking HIM for this seemingly small favor was in part my way of testing our friendship. I'm sad to say in my own mind he failed that test.
He didn't give me a ride by the way, not right then, I stayed where I was and a friend of mine fed me and commiserated with me while it cooled out side and my vitamins and lots of water and food helped revive me enough to walk to the bus station and get home.
so flash forward three weeks and here's my friend being all solicitous and helping to load our bags in his trunk, giving me a hard and sincere hug and then he completely flakes on me. The ONLY reason we got home was because the woman sitting in front of us overheard or frantic phone calls to friends and family in Salem in hopes of netting if not a ride, at least the necessary five bucks to get home. She finally turned around and asked us
"So how much do you need?" Frustrated I told her a little shortly,
"Like five bucks! if we empty our bank account." Kris chimed in
"Yea my pay check is waiting for us at home!" I went on,
"We hadn't planned on being stranded in Atlanta over night and because I'm pregnant with twins and full blown diabetic we've had to spend way too much money on my eating every forty five minutes!" She nodded, reached into her bag and handed me a five dollar bill. I was floored.
"God bless you woman!" I told her and she just nodded meekly as I went on
"I promise you we will mail you a check tomorrow!" She just shook her head to the negative.
"No, it sounds like you guys have had a rough enough time." I was near speechless
"Well what's your name." She just smiled a tiny tight smile
"It's a secret." I was astonished all over again but reached out over the seat
"Well whatever your name is I'm Cori and you are a life saver." She just nodded shyly and turned around to go back to reading her book. I couldn't help noticing the guy that picked her up had dred locks. SHE and people like her are one of the BIG reasons I absolutely love living in Eugene Oregon. Sure the unemployment rate is terrific, but with folks like that around what does it really matter?
Ya so I'm having to let go someone I THOUGHT was my friend and I was blessed to meet a sweet and generous random stranger. Ah well it's not as if me and this fellow were ever really more than friendly business associates. There has only been I think three occasions where we were even close to being social, twice we had lunch when we briefly worked at the same call center and that same day I asked him to come over, he came with his girl to see me sing at Cafe' Paradiso and when I DID nearly swoon agreed to take me home. I just sucks to be pointedly reminded that there are people out there I care a great deal for that don't for whatever reason return that same level of affection. I HATE that.
Hate it.
I have new friends that unexpectedly have become GOOD friends. People that haven't hesitated to come to my aid, when asked and even unprompted. People like Scott Whitehead whose making my web site and gave us a ride to Portland (and an aside to Scott, thanks again for the ride and the most simulating conversation it was way fun), or my friend Aaron who got me started on this whole blog affair (last Saturday I met his parents and inadvertently had lunch at the same spot and was invited to dine with them, I can see where Aaron gets so many of his fine qualities). This is a man that a few weeks before when i was sleep deprived and feeling uber bitchy told me when I asked what his plans for the evening were was
"Well apparently hanging out with you." As if it was a gimme, and obvious statement of fact.
Who knew? Or K-mac my once co-worker whose agreed to become my accountant. Or Heidi a woman I'd only met on one occasion who not only ran me all over town in the heat but along with some help with other church members packed and scrubbed my entire home and then moved me. Or Kat and Tin who not only offered to take our cat Philamina and give her a good home but VOLUNTEERED to come over and help us unpack the house before we left on vacation.
I don't know exactly what I've done to earn these great people's regard and affection, but I'm immensely grateful, especially in light of these other flaky less true friends.
Thanks guys.
Well, now that I've vented I feel better and think I could actually fall asleep.
Until next time,
Cori
le sigh
Don't get me wrong it's not as if I rely upon approval, perusal or even interested in my blog for my sense of self worth or anything. I just feel as if I put some of my best stuff out there, my words, myself and can't help wondering if anyone even notices. As I accused my good friend in a comment on HIS blog I can't seem to help 'wearing my heart on my blog'...
I guess the mild despondency comes from the thirty two plus hours it took to get home from my wonderful family reunion vacation. Thanks to corporate policy (don't EVEN get me started) and a freakin' busted light bulb we missed our connection in Atlanta Georgia. Rather than hold the stupid plane (the LAST plane of the day I might add) to Portland for TEN MINUTES the airline decided to put a dozen of us up in a hotel for the night. Grrr, stupid but whatever.
The thing that REALLY bothered me is this friend of mine (see 'those for whom I care').
I called him Friday night and he sounded really down. I asked what was wrong and he confided that his girlfriend (another dear friend of mine) had just dumped him. I was frankly astonished and he was practically in tears. I consoled him as best I could from the other side of the nation on a poorly heard cell phone. I hesitated asking for a favor in this his hour of grief (the break up had only been official as of that afternoon), but figured he might be grateful for a chance to see me his sympathetic friend. Turns out I was right, he was totally willing to pick us up from the airport and let us crash at his house in Portland for the evening before taking us to the train station for the trip home later in the day.
THEN we were stranded in Atlanta and by the time we got to Portland, this boys tears had dried and he was ONLY willing to give us a ride to the Amtrak station. I hinted quite broadly about not even having the fare to make it all the way home, as well as mentioning that he owed me money for some freakin supplements I ordered from Amway's bastard child Quixtar (that I made the mistake of signing up for under this guy) back in Jan. and didn't receive until a month ago. It's been so long in fact that now that I'm pregnant I can't even take the damn things. He not only didn't offer to give us a ride (which I pretty much didn't expect thanks to realizing on some level that although a basically nice guy he was also a pretty self oriented fellow) but he didn't even offer to pay me in part or all for the damn supplements or even LOAN me the five dollars we needed to take the damn Amtrak bus all the way to Eugene.
A few weeks ago this guy was in town visiting with his girl (exactly a year ago he was supposed to move in with her and instead with practically no warning moved to Portland to attend school, and he's astonished that she dumped him??) and I called him because it was like ninety degrees outside and thanks to having to walk every place, (my friend gave me her car but left it with her sister who I can't find) having only slept about 15 hours in six days, and being newly pregnant and full blown gestational diabetic- felt like crap. I honestly thought I was going to ethier A)black out (having already done that once in a diabetic swoon) or B) throw up what little lunch I'd scrounged. I called him cause I hadn't seen him in town for some time and I knew he had a car and free time on his hands do you know what he told me when I asked for a ride the mile and a half home?
"Well gee I don't know I just wanted to ly around here and relax." I was so upset and sick I started to shake--I have a really hard time asking for help and here I was practically begging my so called friend for a little help. My voice started to tremble when I responded
"Yea, well I feel really sick, like I'm going to pass out or throw up..." There was silence on the other end of the line as tears stared to come, and my voice grew even more tremulous with them "Kris is at work and I don't honestly have the strength to even make it to the bus stop so I could really use your help!" I could hear the hesitation at the other end of the line, but finally he answered
"Well..." I pushed on, crying a little now and ashamed that he conjured that in me.
"Look, I can't do this on my own and I hoped you could give me a ride, but if you can't I understand just let me know so I can try and arrange something else." Finally that seemed to get through, he sighed and then answered
"Well, how soon do you need me? Cause I don't think I could be there for like another thirty minutes or so." I was crushed and appalled to realize I hadn't honestly expected more from the man, that despite my fondness for him, I knew deep down that he wasn't someone I could rely on and that my asking HIM for this seemingly small favor was in part my way of testing our friendship. I'm sad to say in my own mind he failed that test.
He didn't give me a ride by the way, not right then, I stayed where I was and a friend of mine fed me and commiserated with me while it cooled out side and my vitamins and lots of water and food helped revive me enough to walk to the bus station and get home.
so flash forward three weeks and here's my friend being all solicitous and helping to load our bags in his trunk, giving me a hard and sincere hug and then he completely flakes on me. The ONLY reason we got home was because the woman sitting in front of us overheard or frantic phone calls to friends and family in Salem in hopes of netting if not a ride, at least the necessary five bucks to get home. She finally turned around and asked us
"So how much do you need?" Frustrated I told her a little shortly,
"Like five bucks! if we empty our bank account." Kris chimed in
"Yea my pay check is waiting for us at home!" I went on,
"We hadn't planned on being stranded in Atlanta over night and because I'm pregnant with twins and full blown diabetic we've had to spend way too much money on my eating every forty five minutes!" She nodded, reached into her bag and handed me a five dollar bill. I was floored.
"God bless you woman!" I told her and she just nodded meekly as I went on
"I promise you we will mail you a check tomorrow!" She just shook her head to the negative.
"No, it sounds like you guys have had a rough enough time." I was near speechless
"Well what's your name." She just smiled a tiny tight smile
"It's a secret." I was astonished all over again but reached out over the seat
"Well whatever your name is I'm Cori and you are a life saver." She just nodded shyly and turned around to go back to reading her book. I couldn't help noticing the guy that picked her up had dred locks. SHE and people like her are one of the BIG reasons I absolutely love living in Eugene Oregon. Sure the unemployment rate is terrific, but with folks like that around what does it really matter?
Ya so I'm having to let go someone I THOUGHT was my friend and I was blessed to meet a sweet and generous random stranger. Ah well it's not as if me and this fellow were ever really more than friendly business associates. There has only been I think three occasions where we were even close to being social, twice we had lunch when we briefly worked at the same call center and that same day I asked him to come over, he came with his girl to see me sing at Cafe' Paradiso and when I DID nearly swoon agreed to take me home. I just sucks to be pointedly reminded that there are people out there I care a great deal for that don't for whatever reason return that same level of affection. I HATE that.
Hate it.
I have new friends that unexpectedly have become GOOD friends. People that haven't hesitated to come to my aid, when asked and even unprompted. People like Scott Whitehead whose making my web site and gave us a ride to Portland (and an aside to Scott, thanks again for the ride and the most simulating conversation it was way fun), or my friend Aaron who got me started on this whole blog affair (last Saturday I met his parents and inadvertently had lunch at the same spot and was invited to dine with them, I can see where Aaron gets so many of his fine qualities). This is a man that a few weeks before when i was sleep deprived and feeling uber bitchy told me when I asked what his plans for the evening were was
"Well apparently hanging out with you." As if it was a gimme, and obvious statement of fact.
Who knew? Or K-mac my once co-worker whose agreed to become my accountant. Or Heidi a woman I'd only met on one occasion who not only ran me all over town in the heat but along with some help with other church members packed and scrubbed my entire home and then moved me. Or Kat and Tin who not only offered to take our cat Philamina and give her a good home but VOLUNTEERED to come over and help us unpack the house before we left on vacation.
I don't know exactly what I've done to earn these great people's regard and affection, but I'm immensely grateful, especially in light of these other flaky less true friends.
Thanks guys.
Well, now that I've vented I feel better and think I could actually fall asleep.
Until next time,
Cori
posted by Deb Bluth at 11:09 PM
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